Summer ala Mode ☀️

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Summer just wouldn’t be summer without ice cream. Which puts this frozen treat in popular demand.

So then, should you go out for ice cream? 

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Before you do, you should know the risks.

Risks?

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Uh, yeah.

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Racing the neighborhood kids to the ice cream truck? Not a good idea. Those kids are hungry. Aggressive. And probably faster than you.

 

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A walk in the park? Not so much. Combine heat and gravity and you have a tragic cone decapitation on your hands. Er, on the ground.

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Ye old ice cream parlor. Surely, that’s safe? Until your cone self combusts.

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Well then, how about a treat right outside the comfort of your own home? 

Weather forecast, cloudy with a chance of soccer balls.

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And don’t forget about all of the ice cream predators lurking out there. 

Man’s best friend? Not when ice cream is involved.

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Gentle giants, not when their tongue is bigger than your head.

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Let’s face it, ice cream can drive even the most motherly of creatures to a life of crime.

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So, does going out for ice cream still seem like a good idea?

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My recommendation, stay safe, and try one of these delightful ice cream creations in the safety of your own kitchen.

 

13 Ice Cream Creations to Cool Off Your Summer…safely

Toasted Coconut Chocolate Ice Cream Cake

Recipe here by Life, Love and Sugar

Ice Cream Nachos

Recipe here by Moms and Munchkins 


Salted Chocolate Caramel Ice Cream Brownie Cake

Recipe here by Coley Cooks

Giant Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream Cookie Sandwich

Recipe here by Taste of Home

Easy Fried Ice Cream

Recipe here by Divas Can Cook

Mint Chocolate Chip Oreo Ice Cream Tart

Recipe here by Home Made Interest

Ice Cream Tacos

Recipe here by I Love Cooking

Swiss Roll Ice Cream Dome Cake

Recipe here by Wild Yeast

 Chocolate Malt Ice Cream Cupcakes

Recipe here by Growing up Gabel

 Ice Cream Pizza

Recipe here by The Recipe Rebel

 Ice Cream Churro Bowls

Recipe here by Buzzfeed

Mocha Mud Pie

Recipe here by Shiny Life Blog

Double Chocolate Peanut Butter Oreo Baked Alaska

Recipe here by Baking a Moment

 

In conclusion, eat responsibly this summer. Close your windows, lock your doors,

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and above all, enjoy your ice cream. You deserve it.

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This Valentine’s Day Ditch the Flowers, Buy Her Chocolate

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Dear Cupid,

Those Valentine Roses are Going to Cost You…

Nope, the price of roses hasn’t risen this year. They will cost you the same astronomical inflated dollars they always have. You see, it’s not the damage to your wallet we’re talking about here, it’s the potential damage to your relationship. Those flowers you gift her on Valentine’s Day come with an underlying message. Get it wrong, and your relationship status will update to Loves Me Not.
 
Let me break it down.
 
What he thinks: This Valentine’s Day, I’m giving her flowers. I can’t go wrong here. It’s the gift that says I’m romantic.
What she thinks: Well that depends on a few things…

 
The Delivery
Did he send the flowers to your home?
What she thinks:  What’s the point, no one else will even see them. Is he embarrassed of me?
 
Did he send them to your workplace? 
What she thinks: Does he think I’m a narcissist that craves attention causing my significant other to publicly display his fondness for me? Next thing I know he’ll try to stick his tongue down my throat in front of my boss.
 
Did he bring the flowers to me in person after work?
What she thinks: Zilch on the thought level. Prince charming waited till the last minute, grabbing something on the way home.
 
Flower Type
 
Roses? 
What she thinks: How unoriginal. sigh
 
Not roses?
What she thinks: Cheapskate! Guess our relationship is not important enough to spring for the long stems. Gail at work got two dozen. Her boyfriend really cares about her.
 
The Color 
 
You may be asking yourself, who cares about the color? She does. Because every rose color has meaning. And maybe she doesn’t know that– but, what if she does? Or worse, what if Gail from work knows?
 
Red
What he thinks: The flowers are red.
What she thinks:  Oh my gosh, he loves me. This is too soon. Or red, yawn, so ordinary. The color that says, yippee, I got red roses on Valentine’s Day— just like half of the other women in the country. Bet they were on sale, too.
 
Not red? 
What he thinks: The flowers are not red.
What she thinks:  He doesn’t love me. He’s insecure with our relationship status and afraid of commitment. I mean there are red roses everywhere, and he went out of his way to pick a different color.
 
Yellow
What he thinks: The flowers are yellow.
What she thinks:  Oh, so he wants to play it this way. The dreaded, he just wants to be friends. Great friends. Gag. And on Valentine’s Day, nonetheless. Coward.
 
Peach
What he thinks: The flowers are some light orangey color. Whatever.
What she thinks:  He thinks I’m sweet. (Yeah, so is my grandma.)
 
Pink
What he thinks: The flowers are pink.
What her best friend thinks: Oh, you think she’s so beautiful, do you? So you finally admit it, you just like her for her looks. You mine as well give her a pork chop with a ribbon tied around it, if you really want her to feel like a piece of meat.
 
Orange
What he thinks: Why did she just smack me?
What she thinks: Orange relays a message of passion and desire.  So depending on your relationship status, the smack on the face, or the bum, was well deserved. 
 
Coral
What he thinks: These flowers are pink. Or orange.
What she thinks:  I fascinate you? What, am I a clown at the circus?
 
Blue: 
What he thinks: Cool. I’ve never seen blue roses before.
What she thinks:  He thinks I’m fake. Just like these fake flowers.
 

White
What he thinks: The flowers are white.
What she thinks: I will need to consult my friends on this one.
What your best friend thinks: Loverboy thinks you’re loyal. You know, like a faithful dog.
What your mom thinks:  Innocent? Yeah right. He’s a living and breathing man, gushing with testosterone. I’d gather to say his innocence isn’t his strongest trait. Dump the pervert.
What Gail from work thinks:  Ouch. Sympathy. (Do you really want to go there?)
 
 
Assorted Colors 
What he thinks:  I’m indecisive.
What she thinks: He’s indecisive. Furthermore, he lacks a backbone, and knows nothing about me. If he can’t even commit to a color, he surely cannot commit to us. Relationship status: game over.
 
No matter the delivery, the style, or the color, one thing is for certain. The life span of flowers is short. Every day she looks at them they will get a bit weaker, lose a little zest, and eventually shrivel up and die. A reminder of your relationship’s impending doom.
 
So, what should you buy her for Valentine’s Day?
Chocolate.

 
Because not getting her chocolate sends the biggest message of all:  
I think you are a profoundly obese bloated baboon who eats bonbons while watching reality shows all day. You don’t want her to think she’s a profoundly obese bloated baboon who eats bonbons all day while watching reality shows all day, right?
 
So spring for the chocolates…Just be sure to buy the right ones. 
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What’s your favorite gift to receive on Valentine’s Day? Please share in the comment section! ❤️

13 New Year’s Resolutions any Chocoholic can Fulfill

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This year I will eat less chocolate. (Try saying that with a straight face.)

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But, seriously…

Here are some resolutions that are actually possible.

 

Resolve to change your eating habits:

Eat 3 square meals a day.

 

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Eat more greens.

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Add more fruits to your diet.

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 Eat smoothies for a snack or meal replacement.

 

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Try new approaches to healthy eating:

Raw diet.

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“Hole” Foods

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Clean Eating.

Photo via twitter @funnycatsdaily


You’ll also want to get fit this year:

Exercise more. 

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Explore Fitness- Fitness whole cake in my mouth.

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Get in shape.

 

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Lastly, avoid things that can make you look fat.

Such as scales…

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Mirrors,

…and cameras.
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Happy New Year to my fellow chocoholics! May your year be filled with sweetness! ❤️

Confessions of a Chocoholic- at Work

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If you’re anything like me, eating healthy can be a challenge. In this world, it seems like there are tasty morsels around every corner. 


Tempting us. 

Taunting us. 

And ready to lure us in.


You can’t turn on the television, drive down the road, read a magazine, or even go to work, without the temptation of delicious, not-so-nutritious foods, threatening your diet.    

And when chocolate is involved, all bets are off. 


But, not today. Today I’ve got things under control. I’m like a junk food ninja. Bring on the snacks, the baked goods, and those chocolate covered goodies.


Today is the day

 

Today, I’m going to eat healthier.

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Twenty minutes into work, and all I’ve had is coffee and a piece of chewing gum. I’m unstoppable.

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Unstoppable…Until I leave my desk. Traps everywhere.

 

Doughnuts in the break room. Maybe just one…

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Minor set back.  I got this.

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Secretary’s desk houses jars of candy. I’ll take one for the team.

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Strategically placed vending machine en route to restrooms. 

Baited, hooked…and sunk.

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A co-worker is celebrating with birthday cake.  Maybe I’ll have just a thin slice.

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The office manager baked muffins. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

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The boss is selling cookies for his daughter. I need to be supportive.

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Retirement Party.  Bring on the cake.

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I’ve already blown today. I should probably go clean up the doughnuts in the break room.

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Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will eat healthier.

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Friday the 13th

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Superstitious about Friday, the 13th?  Worried there’s an evil black cat somewhere out there, plotting an evil plan against you?

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You have reason to be concerned. Check out these black cats, and the trail of chaos and horror they have left behind.

 

Beware!  The black cats are coming!

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They’re climbing on rooftops,

 

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They’re breaking through windows and doors.

 

They’re hiding in your furniture…

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and inside your favorite foods.

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They’re climbing on your walls,

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and literally, lurking around every corner.

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They’re making alliances with other menacing creatures.

 

And they’re doing things unexpected…evil things.

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Grown men have tried to hold them back, and failed.

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Be safe, humans. There’s no escape. Especially, if you look them directly in the (big adorable) eyes.  Then, your heart will melt, and belong to them. Forever.

photo courtesy of Kitty Blogger